*+* Ashes *+*

my energy is wearing out like how the fire secretes it's prey into ashes...

Talkin' Bout Life

well.. mayb it's because of my mood so i guess i'd to start with a more depressed atmosphere..

it's been a very long time since my last update in this blog and so.. i've tons of things to bla around here.. lolz.. i see its better to express myself here rather than talking to someone cause you know... sometimes its really hard to actually tell the others how we feel.. i wanna tell, but who's ever gonna belive whether how true is the thing that i said..

i'd been living with my god monther for the past few weeks,
(very strange huh? u muz be wondering why am i not at home)
its simple,
actually i don't really know what happened to me myself,
i'm kinda like always looking for something to worry and always sad..
and for those who doesn't realy know me,
i'm an outdoor person,
shutting myself in a room or a place for a long time is gonna make me feel like panetrating d wall..
i don't know what's wrong with me.. maybe it all started since d day i falled for a lil' girl in ma school..
she's cute actually,
a kinda princess type of girl who knows nothing bout this world..
at first i wasn't really into her,
i know her when she came for duty as a prefect at d 4th floor where my class is on..
that time i was still a guy who likes to flirt around with girls, so i asked her for her number..
she refused to give me so i just tell myself ' fine! she's just a girl to be fooled, who cares? '
mayb i was saying that a lil' too early as in the end,
i'm d one who'd been fooled for the past 6 months..

i don't know since when,
i started to think about her everynight,
well that ain't something good for me,
cuz since after my ex broke off with me,
i'd never put in any trust in girls cause they breaks whatever promises that they've said..
okay, not to recall too much of the sub topic..
i felt not right after a few weeks so i asked my friends who're prefects for her number..
she knew it,
and maybe she just don't like me so she warned all her friends not to give me her cell phone number..
okay, fine, and after about 2 months,
hahahaha...
opportunity comes to me~




to be continued....

This Love..

Since the day i told you i love you,
i knew that i mean it,
i knew that i start worried bout you,
i knew that i start caring bout you..

But,
i never thought that i would be so serious in loving you.
At first,
we were just friends,
and i thought that we're just gonna be friends forever,
but after some time,
i find that you're somehow..
the person that i'm looking for..
the person..
that i would be attracted..

Although there's quite some distance between us,
but i'm gald that
its not the 'feeling' kind of distance,
but it's the real distance..
that makes me feel like..
we're so far but yet so close..

I guess u'd turned into many things in my life..
you're like an ecstacy pill,
that makes me feel so 'high',
that makes me feel so addicted,
when i chat with you on the phone,
or even receiving a short txt from you~

you're like a protected species in my world,
that makes me wanna keep you away from the others,
that makes me wanna take care of you,
that makes me wanna be there for you all the time,
that makes me wanna protect you..

I may not the the best guy you've ever met,
but i'm willing to be the guy who would wait for you,
no matter how long it is,
without any promises,
that you'll certainly be mine,
a guy that would hold your hands when you feel alone,
a guy that would hug you tightly in his arms to keep you warm,
a guy that would lend you his shoulder when you're down,
a guy that would hide you behind him when a stranger's walking towards you,
a guy that would work his way out to make you smile when you're sad,
a guy that would feel happy when you're happy,
a guy that would wake you up every morning,
a guy that would think about you no matter what he's doing,
a guy that would drop his tears when he see you bleed,
a guy that would accompany you when you're lonely,
a guy that would hold your hands and tell his friends that 'she is the one'...

We're very far apart,
you're almost half a world away from me..
and if we got winter over here,
i guess the only place where i can seek for warmth is to read yr txt..
althought its from a distance,
but i guess you'd know how cold i am,
so you'd heat up your txt with love,
and send it to me,
so i could always felt your warmth..


to be continued~~

Hopin'

Okay!!
I'd decided to write it out..

Its about a girl..

she's an ordinary girl,

kinda sweet, caring and friendly..

and we knew each other through my ex~

~
lolz..
its funny isn't it?
~

okay let's start..

few weeks ago..

i was too bored being alone at home doing nothing,

so i decided to go on to the net and find somebody to chat

~
cuz as you know,
i'm a great chatter..
i love to talk..
to all,
even strangers..
haha..
~

anyway,

after that,

i logged in to my messenger account..

scrolling up and down looking for friends..

well..

that time was about 6-7pm,

most of'em were away from their computer..

then i met 'her'.

We started to greet each other and start chattin'

i'm glad that she's kinda open minded person~

~
haha..
easier to chat cuz there's no need to choose a suitable topic..
~

so we started to chat..

about school,

about our normal day life,

about people,

we chat about everything around us..

and..

after some time,

i find that she's a person that i could really trust and..

a person which i could tell my feelings out..

i was very please to chat with her cuz that time i was like..

kinda EMO..

lolz..

and then,

coincidently,

i was askin' for my cousin's phone no. in Colorado,US..

and i find its kinda fun 'txt'ing with people half a world away from me~

haha

i really do enjoy that~
lolz..

so i asked for her phone no.

she gave me,

then we start tryin new stuffs..

lolz..

~
to all my friends,
i can tell you,
its really fun to have friends all around the world!!
haha
~

back to topic~

after a few weeks..

we're gettin closer and closer..

i don't really know how she feels about me but,

i guess i'd start feeling 'addicted' to her messages..

well..

i know it takes quite some time for my message to reach there and for my phone to receive her message..

so i was like waiting for her messages with my all my patient everyday..

and after some time,

i find that she starts panetrating into my heart~

*sounds kinda vain but i have to say*

i don't know since when,

i always feels worried about her..

always wondering what she's doing over there..

always wondering is she tired or not..

always thinking bout her..

well..

i don't know what people call that but..

i guess my feeling towards her isn't that straight..

er..

~

owh,

too bad,

i'm blank and i don't know how to continue writing this blog anymore..

lolz..

wait..

calm down~

okay let's continue..

~

well actually,

i wanna talk to her about this cuz..

i have make things clear before it get worst right?

but..

i don't know why i just ' lost my balls' when i wanna bring that topic up to her..

lolz..

i guess i'm thinking too far away..

maybe she's just taking me as normal friend~

and i don't even know shall i call this as

interested, like, or a crash..

anyway~

better than feeling disappointed after asking,

so..

i guess i shall set a mind that we're just friends..

anyway,

i don't know whether long distance relationship could work on me and her or not..

hahax..

i know i trust her,

i don't know bout her but..

maybe i shall do something to prove to her that i'm someone who's worth to be trusted..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~END~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aftermath

Whao~
what a great feeling..
was kinda busy for the past few weeks so i didn't have time to write my feelings out~
well..
my life's kinda fantastic thanks to my fellow 'buddies' who 'painted' up my days..

today,
9th of september:

i woke up at 3am and rang my buddy in () up~
lolz..
she wasn't late for school thannks to my kindness..
i slept after that..
afterwards,
i went to school as usual..
well..
one thing that makes me wonder..
it wasn't raining this morning,
but the way the people drive out there was like..
it's a hyper down pour~
swt..
i wonder why they get such nice cars,
but they were driving like the cars are humble..
just like the turtle crawling on the beach..
how the hack they're damn passive~
lolz..
........................................................................................................................................................................

i reach the school and as usual,
we started our lessons..
just right before the school bell rings,
a few prefect came in and spot checked our class..
lolz..
i was smart for not bringing my phone to school today~
hahax..
so i wasn't worried~
but u know what?
i end up got demerit just because of my highlighter..
for god's sake~
everyone brings highlighter to school,
mine is just special because its' eraseable..
and these 'dog' eventually..
confiscated both my pink and yellow highlighter..
OMG!
of course i'm not giving up for this matter,
i told the prefect that i'm going down to see the senior assist..
cuz i don't understand why he wanna confiscate mine..
so i went down..
u know what she told me?
she says the HM says cannot bring means cannot bring..
cool..
now i see how she do things..
she's just a follower..
doing things without her own opinion..
i understand that rules are unbreakable,
but its impossible for us to follow every rules..
rules can be broken at the right time~
in fact,
based on the facts,
the highlighter that i owned weren't something that is harmful,
so why cant?
1st, since its eraseable so there's nothing to worry about if i draw something on my desk with it,
cuz its ERASEABLE~
2nd,i know the reason why they dont allow eraseable pen to be used in our school, its just because they don't want use to cheat in exams by correcting our answers, but since its a HIGHLIGHTER, how would i cheat?

ISN'T THAT RIDICULOUS?
lolz..

..........................................................................................................................................................................

Back Into The Cage

Ah~
i'm finally back into the cage again..
unimaginable..
how dark or how bright will it be..
was that the right decision i made?
or
would that be anonther starting point
for me to fall again?
i don't mind falling and falling..
its just kinda boring isn't it?
falling n falling for the same reason..
its like you never grown up from your mistakes..
or shall i say it this way,
its just a 'pause' in my life,
cuz i don't wanna keep going on,
so i would rather keep myself from falling and drowning into the river than moving on..
moving on to the 'sea' that could sunk a huge ship..
i'm just a tiny lil bad ass..
i wonder how would i look like when i'm drown in the middle of the ocean......

i don't know if all of the cages are comfortable,
but it seems to me that its creepy,
i'm just like a bird,
love adventure,
love to flap my wings and fly as far as i could,
but i'm not a bird..
i can't live by my own..
that was what happened when i left the cage..
the others took me as a betrayer to my owner..
everyone leaves me,
everyone takes me as the faker,
and whatelse?
do they feel happy ruining my day?
do they enjoy seeing people EMO everyday?

YOU GUYS ARE CRAP,
said that you're a friend,
but what you've done when i'm down?
backstab me?
leave me?
hurt me without knowing the truth?
you feel proud that you're not me?
of course you do!!
cuz you're not undergoing these stuffs,
you don't know how we suffer,
you don't know the feeling if you're just letting go of something but the whole world leaves u alone..
you don't know how does birds like us feel!!
what you know is,
supporting what is in front of you~
don't even know whether it is the truth or not..
i feel sorry for you that
YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING VALUEABLE,
WHAT YOU HAVE IS A MOUTH,
ACTING LIKE A RADIO,
SPREADING NEWS IS YOUR PROFESSION!!

you ever think of our feeling?
NO!!
you guys are BRAINLESS COPYCAT!!!
keep following the trend
whithout knowing the true meaning of it..
i feel sad for you,
as you don't even know how to live by your own
you're just a parasiter
only know how to depend and follow the others..
you don't have the CREATIVITY OF PERSONALIZE YOUR CHARACTERISTICS!!

Days In 4S1~~

It's going to b the 9th month,

for me to study with all my friends in 4S1..

well well well..

happy days passes like flowing river..

never stop n never get clotted..

lolz..

another few months time n we're gonna b seperated to different classes..

u know?

its nice to make friends around..

although some of the smart ones are kinda EGO~~

but well..

there're still those who are willing to help..

glad tat this world is balanced..

hahax..

but its hard to b balanced isn't it?

its always easier to find an evil friend like me than those who're like an angel..

lolz..

when am i gonna b tat angel??

i wanna b angel but..

it seems like its not my characteristics..

hahax..

so..

mayb i shall b d human n let d angels help me..

its good to be helped but..

its kinda shameful if we always ask for ppl's help rite?

hahax..

well..

these are some pictures of my days in 4S1~~